Scripps Sunday #41

May we face our selves, in the wilderness and the world and recognize the forces that drive us, so that they do not always drive us. -Padraig O'Tuama Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community 

I mailed you a copy of these this past week so you could underline and mark them up, but I also wanted you to have them here to follow up from our conversation last week. 

Enneagram Thoughts Worth Reflecting On

The leap of faith always means loving without expecting to be loved in return, giving without wanting to receive, inviting without hoping to be invited, holding without asking to be held. And every time I make a little leap, I catch a glimpse of the One who runs out to me and invites me into his joy, the joy in which I can find not only myself, but also my brothers and sisters. Thus, the disciplines of trust and gratitude reveal the God who searches for me, burning with desire to take away all my resentments and complaints and to let me sit at his side at the heavenly banquet. -Henri Nouwen, Return of the Prodigal Son

Pay attention to what you’re paying attention to. The enneagram illuminates where you are putting your focus and provides a mirror giving you compassion for yourself and others.

This is about learning to love yourself so you can love, learning to see yourself so you can see, and learning to be at peace with your giftedness and your worth.

TWO

 

Two

Sweetheart, you look a little tired
When did you last eat?
Come in and make yourself right at home
Stay as long as you need
Tell me, is something wrong?
If something's wrong, you can count on me

You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat

It's okay if you can't find the words
Let me take your coat
And this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you with every single thing I have
Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess
Calm waters, if that serves you best
I will love you without any strings attached

It's okay if you can't catch your breath
You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest

I know exactly how the rule goes
Put my mask on first
No, I don't want to talk about myself
Tell me where it hurts
I just want to build you up, build you up
'Til you're good as new
And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too

I don't even know where to start
Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart
I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well
I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you without any strings attached
And what a privilege it is to love
A great honor to hold you up

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you with every single thing I have
Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess
Calm waters if that serves you best
I will love you without any strings attached
I will love you without a single string attached

As a Two, you are part of the Rejection-Based group. Twos feel they must be so good that others will not reject them. The antidote for your fear of rejection is to love yourself and others regardless of others’ reactions. – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

TWO: “I release flattering others to make them feel good about me.” – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

TWO: fear – “I am not loveable if I don’t love.” – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

TWO: invites us to know how to love (they can’t help it!)

Do not always be “doing” for people and above all do not try to get people to love you by giving them gifts or undeserved praise.

Develop yourself by resisting the tendency to adjust to others’ expectations. It is imperative that you invest time in discovering your own core values.

Develop independence of your own heart instead of taking on the expectations of others.

The fear of a two is disconnected form the source of love. They fear that they may not be loved for who they are but for what they give. If you’re afraid that you are loved for what you give, you will give more of yourself away at your expense. You flatter yourself that this is what love looks like but there’s nothing loving about that.

Antenna- the heart of an integrated TWO: love you without any strings attached; unconditionally loving others but it can only happen when I learn to love myself. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to love others well.

Healthy twos are free to love or not, and others are free to respond or not. Giving is a choice, not a compulsion.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Notice what you do to ensure your connection with others. Do you render extra services? Do you talk about the relationship or how much someone means to you?

Type Two EnneaThought®

Beware of taking on “rescue missions.” You have a tender heart and are drawn to help people who are suffering or in trouble. Notice, however, if you are rescuing people so that they will be grateful to you for your help.

Type Two EnneaThought®

I forgive myself for my mistakes. I thank life for giving me opportunities to become wiser and more accepting.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Try to be aware and more conscious of your own motives when you help someone. When you expect the other person to appreciate you a certain way, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Twos tend to give to much and then regret it… be brutally honest with yourself about your motives when you do anything for anyone.

Type Two EnneaThought®

I affirm that my happiness does not depend on pleasing others. I now release flattering others to make them feel good about me.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Two’s passion is pride- seeing yourself as a well-intentioned person.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Can you accept that you are loved just as you are, without doing anything? Twos see themselves as loving, caring people, yet all too often they love only in order to get others to love them in return. Their love is not free; expectations of repayment are attached.

Type Two EnneaThought®

When do you think you will find true intimacy and know that you are wanted? Could it be you already have this when you are in God’s presence?

Type Two EnneaThought®

Each type unconsciously tends to “train others” to see them in a certain way. How do you want others to see you? Average Twos like physical closeness, they bestow approval, compliments, applause and flattery. What can you do today to change this for the better?

Type Two EnneaThought®

What would it be like if you dropped your denial of having any selfish motives or aggressive feelings today? What would happen to your virtuous self-image if you stopped seeing all your behavior in a positive light? (Personality Types, 62)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Remember that average Twos would secretly like to be thought of as savior figures, miracle workers, and rescuers. Watch for this tendency in yourself today. (Personality Types, 73)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Today, be on the lookout for flattering people in order to get approval and appreciation. This is your Ego Fixation in action. Notice it and let it go. (Understanding the Enneagram, 41)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Twos can express the essence of the healthy Seven by feeling a deep sense of gratitude for the boundless goodness of life. As a Two, how can you show your appreciation for your blessings today? Be sure to include yourself and your own needs since they can be your teachers.

Type Two EnneaThought®

Twos tend to give too much and then regret it. Be brutally honest with yourself about your motives when you do anything for anyone. Learn to doubt your own motivations. Learn to listen to your body and your heart. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 146)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Try this Affirmation today: “I now affirm that my happiness does not depend on pleasing others.” (Enneagram Transformations, 47)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Remember that your cognitive error is believing that your value depends on the positive responses of others, and that only by getting others to respond to you in certain specific ways will you feel loved and worthwhile. Notice this tendency in your thinking today. (Understanding the Enneagram, 79)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Your pride is a compensation for an underlying fear of worthlessness, that nobody really wants you. Only humility and the knowledge that you are loved—the fact that in your Essential self, you are an expression of love—will dissolve pride. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 146)

Type Two EnneaThought®

Remember it’s not being self-sacrificial that produces change but self-knowledge and awareness. Don’t try to change your reactions today. It is enough to see them more clearly. (Personality Types, 73)

THREE

THREE: “I release fearing that I am inadequate and will be rejected.” – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

THREE: fear- “I am not valued if I don’t perform.” – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

As a Three, you are part of the Attachment-Based group. Threes aim to hold onto whatever attention and admiration is available to them. The antidote for your attachment to being seen is an authentic humility and authenticity. – Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose, Self to Find

THREE

Maybe I've done enough
And your golden child grew up
Maybe this trophy isn't real love
And with or without it, I'm good enough

Maybe I've done enough
Finally catching up
For the first time I see an image of my brokenness
Utterly worthy of love
Maybe I've done enough

And I finally see myself
Through the eyes of no one else
It's so exhausting on this silver screen
Where I play the role of anyone but me

And I finally see myself
Unabridged and overwhelmed
A mess of a story I'm ashamed to tell
But I'm slowly learning how to break this spell
And I finally see myself

Now, I only want what's real
To let my heart feel what it feels
Gold, silver, or bronze hold no value here
Where work and rest are equally revered

I only want what's real
I set aside the highlight reel
And leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk
Worthy of love anyway

Type Three EnneaThought®

Can you accept yourself just as you are, without achieving anything?

Type Three EnneaThought®

When do you think you will find acceptance and inner value? Could it be you already have this when you are in God’s presence?

Type Three EnneaThought®

Healthy twos exhibit a joyful, spontaneous quality that can resemble the joie de vivre of healthy sevens. They laugh easily and deeply and don’t take themselves too seriously, simply enjoying life’s bounty with the people they care about.

 

Type Three EnneaThought®

I affirm that I have value regardless of my achievements. I now release fearing that I am inadequate and will be rejected.

Type Three EnneaThought®

Three’s passion is vanity- believing in a false image of yourself.

Type Three EnneaThought®

It is difficult for Threes to admit they have problems or that they are in over their heads. Be honest and humble by letting others know when you’ve reached your limit of understanding, ability or endurance.

Type Three EnneaThought®

Healthy threes possess a balanced love of self, which also enables them to love others freely and without agenda.

Type Three EnneaThought®

What would it be like if you gave up your competitive self-image today and instead accepted your limitations? Try loving yourself as you really are, rather than loving a false façade. (Personality Types, 100)

We can do anything in our lives from a place of centeredness and relaxation or from a state of being frantic and having inner tension. Conscious relaxation is a matter of learning how to come back to the here and now again and again, opening up to a deeper and deeper impression of reality. Connect with this truth today.

Type Three EnneaThought®

Each type unconsciously tends to “train others” to see them in a certain way. How do you want others to see you? Average Threes are pragmatic, goal-orientated, cool and efficient. What can you do today to change this for the better? (The Power of the Enneagram audio tapes)

Type Three EnneaThought®

Remember that average Threes are directed by the values and goals of their peers. This results in a growing estrangement from their own desires and feelings. Watch for this tendency in yourself today.

Type Three EnneaThought®

Notice today if you are vain about your self-image. This is your Ego Fixation in action. Notice it and let it go. (Understanding the Enneagram, 45)

Type Three EnneaThought®

Just revealing small things about the way you feel can help you to open up in a way that feels safe. Contrary to your beliefs, revealing some of your vulnerability to healthy friends will endear you to them—not disappoint them. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 172)

Type Three EnneaThought®

Try this Affirmation today: “I now affirm that I have value regardless of my achievements.” (Enneagram Transformations, 55)

Type Three EnneaThought®

Remember that your cognitive error is thinking your value comes from your “performance” or external image—how successful you are in terms of wealth, social standing, or professional accomplishment. Notice this tendency in your thinking today. (Understanding the Enneagram, 85)

Type Three EnneaThought®

Today, explore the ways that you, as a Three, can develop the independence of your own heart, instead of taking on the expectations of others.